In every war that occurs, I realize what has changed in our personalities, physically and mentally…
In the first war, 2008, my father was strong in all aspects, he could decide how and where to protect us, shouting at us, “Quickly, leave everything and run’. He divided us in two cars so that the potential of survival would be possible. He put me, my sister, my younger brother and my mother in a car while he and the rest of my family went in another car … The missiles were falling around us and we were looking behind us all the time to make sure that my other half of my family members had not killed by a missile yet. .
In that war, my only concern was for our home to survive, because I left my favorite memories in my room. I did not think of anything other than home.
In the 2012 war, I suffered from the reverse psychology and I laughed hysterically at the destruction. I did not think of our home surviving, I only thought of my room and dreamt of a still night and a very deep sleep without interruption by the explosions.
My father was somewhat tired of thinking about a way to protect us from missiles.
In the 2014 war I was afraid of everything, I no longer thought about our home. I forgot the home. I started thinking about my body, I discovered that my body was my home and I could not imagine losing my legs, my eyes, or any part of my body.
My father was getting old, he could barely run with his cane and he had decided to protect us in the shelter places which was one of the UNRWA schools.
In the war of 2021, I am afraid of the airplanes in Stockholm’s sky. I put my fingers in my ears so that I do not hear the sound of the trains. I’m too scared and worried about my family in Gaza …
My father is too old and has lost his ability to protect my family, so it’s my brothers turn to decide how and where to protect him and what is left of his memory.
In the next war, I don’t really know what will happen, I don’t know at all. I don’t want to know.
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