My water history

Today I went to practice swimming at a private pool, it was so terrible. Whenever I dunked my head under the water, I got panic as if I was going to drown and die.

Following a cognitive behavioral therapy might help; If I look back at my ‘water history’, I will find only forbidden stories of women swimming in the sea. As a part of the society where I grew up in the Arabic culture, women weren’t (and still) allowed to swim. Yes, there are many red lines on the Arabic women freedom list.

I was a child when I used to go with my family to the sea and I was allowed to hold my father foot while he was swimming, I don’t remember that I was afraid of water. Later, I followed my brothers to the sea and it was different, they pushed me into the waves and dunked my head under the water. That can be the reason behind of my water fear.

I lost the safety when I was a child and I could never work on getting it back since I grew up and joined the women with the forbidden list of things.

A friend of mine used to tell me ‘relax and become one with the water’, but I reached a point that I can think of my cat and dunk my head under the water, but it didn’t work. I thought: well, I survived three wars. If I think of how many bombs could kill me, I will feel brave and dare to face the water.

I know, sometimes, I’m strange.. after two hours in the water, I realized that wars are much easier than becoming a friend of the water.

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